Kat's Playbook

So I have a rule.  A rule that all men, women, and children should learn and follow religiously.

Rule #1:  DO NOT ask a women when she is due, how far along she is, if she is having a boy or girl, or anything else to do with pregnancy UNTIL YOU HAVE CONFIRMED THAT HER BUMP IS A BABY BUMP!!

And trust me, this is very easy to confirm.  If you give just a little smile...a little smirk, a glowing pregnant woman will smile back because she knows you have noticed that she is growing an exceptionally smart baby!   BUT if she looks down at the ground, turns her body, or ignores you in away....WALK AWAY.  Do not speak.  Do not even gesture.  This means that she is either not pregnant, or so ginormous and close to the end that she wants no conversation at all.

I was very close to violating my rule at Baby Gap, when I was about to ask the sales attendant when she was due.  And THANK GOD, she quickly made a comment about her 2 month old baby.  (Whew, that was a close one).  However, this just reconfirmed my importance of the rule.

Rule #2, DO NOT ASK WHEN SHE IS DELIVERY HER OTHER TWIN

So here we were...on cloud nine...after 48 hours at home with our newest addition, and leaving our house for  Mr. T's doctor appointment.  Gator Guy and I stood proudly in the lobby waiting for the elevator.  Soon, an Idiot-of-a-woman walks up and asks:

"Oh, how old is he?"
We both say, "4 days old.",  (Damn we are good, already responding in unison)

Idiot-of-a-woman looks at me kind of funny and then asks, "So then did you have one twin and still need to deliver the other?"

WOW...surely she is just being sarcastic (and rude), and yet she didn't stop there...
We both just laughed not knowing what to say or how to answer.

Idiot-of-a-woman then asks, "No really, so do I take that as a yes?"
OMG - Holy crap... she was f-ing serious. Who says that?!?
I said, "Nope just one baby", biting my tongue trying not to laugh and thanking my hormones that I'm not bursting into tears.
And yet she was still not done...

Idiot-of-a-woman looks at Mr. T again and then asks me, "So....then is he yours?"
"Yep, he's mine, and I still have the baby bump."
She says, "Oh well, I guess it does take time for that to go down. Well congratulations."

Yes congratulations....congratulations to the Idiot-of-a-woman who did not get a kick in the shins, punch in the face, tripped in the hallway, or a bucket of tears as the hormones could have taken over.  Congratulations to me for handling myself like an adult and just walking away...hysterical, and glad that Gator Guy was there to whiteness  such an act of idiotness.


And please stay tuned...because I will soon become brave (or stupid) and show you just what a belly 2 days after birth looks like.

Posted in: baby, Body after baby, Hormones, Motherhood, Postpartum on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at