Kat's Playbook: Reality TV

Showing posts with label Reality TV. Show all posts

Bachelor Pad - We Need to Talk

Dear Bachelor Pad,

I know this may come as a shock to you, and I will first apologize for catching you off guard...but we need to talk. We have been through a lot. I have watched every season and even made it though Vienna's debut without throwing up in my mouth. You have captured my attention over the summer when there are meaningless shows such as Wipe Out and America's Got Talent. You were my fix when I was missing the traditional Bachelor and Bachelorette. And you gave me Chris Harrison when I was just starting to begin withdraws from his presence. But even after all of that...I have to be honest and tell you that we just cannot be together anymore. I just can't do it.

And no, it is not just a break for us to see other people. This is it for me. I seriously cannot do it anymore. Gosh....even just saying that now gives me a sense of relief. I am becoming a person that I never thought I would. Your commitment of 2 hours is just too long for me now. Maybe it is that I am more busy these days and have not made time for you. Maybe it is my love for Ryan Lotche and the Olympics that I can't seem to pull myself from ~~NBC~~ another channel. But honestly, this season is a disappointment. I wish I could have my 2 hours back in my day. I know you are even more dramatic than ever, but its just not how it used to be.

Don't even get me started with the twins. Michael said it best comparing them to mosquitoes in your ear. It is either that or their fighting is the sound of dying cats. I would rather listen to Radiohead on repeat for the rest of my life than listen to those two girls again (and Gator Guy can vouch for how serious that is for me!).

And then Chris was the final straw for me. There's always the top Dawg each season and Chris is trying to be just that. At least before I could just feel bad for Kasey that his kermit voice and outrageous tattoos made him "special". But with Chris...I just can't get past it. It is bad enough that I just had to finish watching him on Emily's season. I think I would need at least a month before seeing him on Monday nights again...if ever. It's the way he talks, the way he thinks so highly of himself, his immaturity (oh wait - that's everyone on the show, right?) and his constipated-or-about-to-fall-asleep-face expressions that just confirms I cannot be with you any longer.

I will miss our good times. But I really feel good about this decision.

And so, Bachelor Pad...I am sorry, but I cannot give you this rose. Please allow me to walk you out.

xoxo,

Kat

Posted in: Reality TV, The Bach on Tuesday, July 31, 2012 at 0 comments

Ryan: Born and Raised in the Capitol

I can't take credit for this...in fact, you must go read, "If You Ask Me...", but it is quite hilarious that she pointed out how much Ryan looks like Seneca Crane from Hunger Games. Ha!

My favorite line of the night was when he begged the camera guys to edit the clips to show his "true self" and not make him look like an ass.

To late Ryan. Too late.

Ps Ryan...your scarf sucks. So did your teal shoes.

Posted in: Reality TV, The Bach on Tuesday, June 19, 2012 at 2 comments

I Don't Want to Wait...For Our Lives to be Over

Ready....Queue in the music.

Yes, I could not help myself by secretly wishing Chris Harrison would queue in Paula Cole's "I Don't Want to Wait" as ~~James Van Der Beek~~ Bachelor Joe was on his date with Emily last week. I mean seriously...this dude is like a long lost twin, younger brother or some sort of twisted version of Dawson himself. These picture may not do it justice, but I swear even watching him talk just made me think that Joey Potter was going to come around the corner with her constipated smile wanting Dawson back in her life.

Dawson/James Van Der Beek

Bachelor Joe

Either way, I shall be watching tonight as Em has to decide between which douche bag she will keep and which she will say farewell to.

PS...is there seriously an Alejandro and Alessandro??? Come on ABC, you couldn't have one of these dudes go by Alex or even Sandros?? Not to mention, both of them look like they are growing facial hair for the first time in their life. Come on guys, hop off the Mustache May wagon, because is not a good look for you.

Alejandro

Alessandro

Posted in: Reality TV, The Bach on Monday, May 28, 2012 at 0 comments

The Chain of Bachelor Love

Today it was announced (or at least released by someone) that Emily is the new Bachelorette.

I am quite excited to see Emily again. However, as I was discussing the big news during my "plan" period today, I realized what a chain of Bach's we have. And I feel I can only describe this if I draw it out. Please note....I of course choose to do this on the day that wikipedia is shut down and therefore, I cannot find a resource to double check my answers. So please feel free to correct anything that I may have missed.

Here we go.

We started with Brad.

Who in fact did not pick anyone and rejected both Deanna and Jenni...shocking the entire nation with the most dramatic rose ceremony yet.

Next ABC started The Chain of Bachelor Love and gave dear Deanna another chance.

She picked Jesse and lived a short relationship. I think she is now married to one of the twins from Jillian's season...but we can't go there right now.

More importantly, Deanna introduced us to Jason.

And Jason introduced us to the Mesnick. The Mesnick you may ask is when an adult man keels over crying on national TV. Repeatedly.

In a moment of pity, ABC picked Jason as the next "Chosen One". He in turn showed us more Mesnick Moments and finally picked Melissa...

BUT WAIT. He then changed his mind to pick Molly in the most dramatic After The Rose Ceremony Show ever!!

They are now married and join the club with Trista and Ryan (the first and really only lasting couple in Bachelor history).

Back to Jason's season....Jillian, not exactly the runner up since Jason had to claim them BOTH, was the funny down-to-earth Canadian and was announced the next Bachelorette.

She picked this guy...totally don't remember anything about him. Did they last? No Clue.

But most importantly, out of her season we meet Jake.

Jake falls fast for American Sweet Heart Ali as the entire nation throws up in their mouth over Vienna. However, in the end, Golly-Gee-Jake picks Vienna.

We continue to see their terrible relationship unfold during the most awkward break up ever seen on television. ABC producers were in heaven.

But like a ray of sunshine....America's Sweet Heart Ali takes the stage to find her man.

She picks the hot baseball player, Roberrrrrto. They are apparently married, but I not caught up on all that gossip yet. What did the dress look like? When? Where?? Tell me!! (E - is this in one of your magazines that we must read over a glass of wine??)

It was at this point that ABC BROKE THE CHAIN....or Did they??? Instead of giving us Frank or some other dork from Ali's season, they brought back Slow Talking BRAD. You See....It's always back the BRAD.

Brad picks America's NEW Sweet Heart Emily and they begin what appears to be their happy ending.

In the meantime, rejected Tiny and Boring Ashley gives us a season where I thanked God for DVR so I could fast forward through any time where she babbled on.

Tiny and Boring Ashley finally picks JP...although she seems to talk more about Bentley than anyone else. (Best Drinking Game Ever)

The runner up to Tiny and Boring Ashley was our current Bachelor ~~Geico Caveman~~ Ben. Ben is very blah to me but slowly is starting to warm up. He does however continue to smooch a LOT of ladies (must have taken notes from Bachelor Bob). Either way....we shall see how this one plays out.

And as of today....we are back to Emily.

So really....now that I think about it and lay it all out, it is not a chain at all. It is just a crazy web of non-lasting Love. Well damn. Either way, I hope you could follow along and either learn a thing or two about the Chain of Bachelor Love, or perhaps take a trip down Monday Night Memory Lane.

Posted in: Reality TV, The Bach, The Buzz, The Tube on Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 5 comments

Twenty?? Are you kidding me?

That's right! The Duggars are pregnant....Again! That is T-W-E-N-T-Y children. I am at a lost for words.

Do you think they still send out birth announments? Or perhaps it's just included in their annual Christmas letter template.

Posted in: Reality TV, The Buzz on Wednesday, November 9, 2011 at 3 comments

Nutbags...All of Them

As a result of finally watching the shit show that the Bach Pad was this week....I just had to vent with my Dearest M about the complete awfulness and unnecessary tears. Soooo many damn tears.

And my Dearest M was brilliant enough to say "Nutbags...all of them!"

And so, I have decided to honor the crazies (& my Dearest M) and use the term "Nutbags" this weekend. I think it will be a nice addition to my vocabulary and perhaps it will even make its way into a song as I serenade a crowd at karaoke this evening.

Effing nutbags.

Oh and ps....A big congratulations to Nevin Shapiro who receives the ultimate Nutbag Award. Please read this article if you have not heard about the Miami scandal and to also impress your sports lover with fun facts. But let me just tell you, if you look up the definition of "small man complex", you shall see Nevin's face. No worries...this dude is already in prison, so no hurt feelings for any brutal comments you make about him. Let's hear it!

Posted in: College Ball, Football, Impress Your Sports Lover, Nutbag Award, Reality TV, The Bach on Friday, August 19, 2011 at 1 comments

Is Your Love in the Wild??

Because mine sure is. Well, that is actually between Gator Guy and I. But I will admit that I added yet another guilty pleasure to the list. Love In the Wild. Its terrible in fact. It like the Bachelor Pad thrown into Survivor. However, thanks to that dead summer TV listing, this one makes the agenda.

Anyone else fallen guilty to the Wild??

Posted in: Reality TV, The Bach on Wednesday, July 6, 2011 at 3 comments

Bach Drinking Game:

Determined to make you just as drunk as if you were still in college.

THE RULES:

Drink EVERY time that Ashley says Bentley's name. Yes, I know, this is quite the task. So if needed, please alternate with your beverage of choice and water. Best of luck.

Posted in: Cheers, Reality TV, Slainte, The Bach on Tuesday, June 21, 2011 at 5 comments

Tenderheart, Oh Honey, and Atreyu

Dear Ryan P.,

You may not know it, but I have found your BFF Bromance. You and the original Tenderheart, Kasey, are a match made in heaven.

Your classic line of "I am Bursting with a lot of love in my chest." just made feel a little bad for you. But I suppose that kind of line of rainbows and kittens works on some pretty little lady, right? I guess we shall see if Ash is that lady. In the mean time. I really hope you get a matching tattoo on the show and just one up dear ol' Kasey. That would make my season.

xoxo,
Kat

Dear Ashley,

Oh honey. Do you watch How I Met Your Mother?? Because you are soooo the "Oh Honey" girl.

You poor thing not seeing through Jack Ass Bentley. I mean, I guess he did trap you into his fake and jackass game, but this is harder to watch than the Jillian/Wes episodes. I just could not help to say "Oh Honey" as you mentioned his name on last nights episode....47 times. I am looking forward to the drama next week. I just hope that you see his true colors and can turn in your "Oh Honey Badge"

xoxo,
Kat

Dear Ben F. & Constaintine,

I cannot tell the difference between you....