The Chain of Bachelor Love
Today it was announced (or at least released by someone) that Emily is the new Bachelorette.
I am quite excited to see Emily again. However, as I was discussing the big news during my "plan" period today, I realized what a chain of Bach's we have. And I feel I can only describe this if I draw it out. Please note....I of course choose to do this on the day that wikipedia is shut down and therefore, I cannot find a resource to double check my answers. So please feel free to correct anything that I may have missed.
Here we go.
We started with Brad.
Who in fact did not pick anyone and rejected both Deanna and Jenni...shocking the entire nation with the most dramatic rose ceremony yet.
Next ABC started The Chain of Bachelor Love and gave dear Deanna another chance.
She picked Jesse and lived a short relationship. I think she is now married to one of the twins from Jillian's season...but we can't go there right now.
More importantly, Deanna introduced us to Jason.
And Jason introduced us to the Mesnick. The Mesnick you may ask is when an adult man keels over crying on national TV. Repeatedly.
In a moment of pity, ABC picked Jason as the next "Chosen One". He in turn showed us more Mesnick Moments and finally picked Melissa...
BUT WAIT. He then changed his mind to pick Molly in the most dramatic After The Rose Ceremony Show ever!!
They are now married and join the club with Trista and Ryan (the first and really only lasting couple in Bachelor history).
Back to Jason's season....Jillian, not exactly the runner up since Jason had to claim them BOTH, was the funny down-to-earth Canadian and was announced the next Bachelorette.
She picked this guy...totally don't remember anything about him. Did they last? No Clue.
But most importantly, out of her season we meet Jake.
Jake falls fast for American Sweet Heart Ali as the entire nation throws up in their mouth over Vienna. However, in the end, Golly-Gee-Jake picks Vienna.
We continue to see their terrible relationship unfold during the most awkward break up ever seen on television. ABC producers were in heaven.
But like a ray of sunshine....America's Sweet Heart Ali takes the stage to find her man.
She picks the hot baseball player, Roberrrrrto. They are apparently married, but I not caught up on all that gossip yet. What did the dress look like? When? Where?? Tell me!! (E - is this in one of your magazines that we must read over a glass of wine??)
It was at this point that ABC BROKE THE CHAIN....or Did they??? Instead of giving us Frank or some other dork from Ali's season, they brought back Slow Talking BRAD. You See....It's always back the BRAD.
Brad picks America's NEW Sweet Heart Emily and they begin what appears to be their happy ending.
In the meantime, rejected Tiny and Boring Ashley gives us a season where I thanked God for DVR so I could fast forward through any time where she babbled on.
Tiny and Boring Ashley finally picks JP...although she seems to talk more about Bentley than anyone else. (Best Drinking Game Ever)
The runner up to Tiny and Boring Ashley was our current Bachelor Geico Caveman Ben. Ben is very blah to me but slowly is starting to warm up. He does however continue to smooch a LOT of ladies (must have taken notes from Bachelor Bob). Either way....we shall see how this one plays out.
And as of today....we are back to Emily.
So really....now that I think about it and lay it all out, it is not a chain at all. It is just a crazy web of non-lasting Love. Well damn. Either way, I hope you could follow along and either learn a thing or two about the Chain of Bachelor Love, or perhaps take a trip down Monday Night Memory Lane.
Posted in: Reality TV, The Bach, The Buzz, The Tube on Wednesday, January 18, 2012 at 5 comments
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