Kat's Playbook

Posted in: holidays on Monday, December 21, 2009 at 2 comments    

Posted in: 14 at Heart, OME, Things that make you go Hmmm on Wednesday, December 16, 2009 at 1 comments    

Now I realize that all work parties and gift exchanges have the best intentions.   And I also realize that White Elephant Gift Exchanges are suppose to be funny.  They are suppose to have either good gifts, or gifts that give you a good laugh. However, I have decided to boycott mine this year.

There are two conclusions to this post:

1. That gift exchanges are lame unless you all play in the same conference.
2. I am so cheap my Dad would be proud.

So here I was, at Bed Bath Beyond, where you can really find anything...and Beyond.  The price limit for our White Elephant Gift Exchange was $30.  A perfect amount.  Enough to buy a DVD, and more importantly, enough to buy an As Seen on TV gift.  I debated at the ginormous store of Beyond for over 45 minutes.  Debating between The Bump It, Shame Wow, The Slap Chop, or Ped Egg.  And then I thought, what do I really want?  And what I wanted at that moment was to cuddle up and watch a movie.  (I must say that the Snuggie was not out in stores yet, or else that would have been the obvious choice.)  So instead, I picked out a really nice, red, plush, throw.  One that would accent any couch during this time of year.



And a pair of fuzzy socks to go with it....naturally.

I bring my as-if-martha-wrapped-it-herself package to the party with a jolly grin on my face.  I couldn't wait to see who would fight over my comfy goodness.  Gift after gift was opened.


And I quickly realized.  No one else spent 45 minutes looking at the Beyond and deciding between the Giant Remote or the Fruit Saver Bags.  No.  It became very clear...that everyone ran down to Starbucks, around the corner to the bakery, and in the freaking break room for a can of coke.  That's right.  I spent probably over $30 including tax when Coworker A, walked in the next room and got a free can of coke.  oh but wait, they did wrap it up in Xerox paper.

And so, as I watched cheap gift after cheap gift become unwrapped, I came to my first conclusion. 

1. That gift exchanges are lame unless you all play in the same conference.

We were defintely not all playing in the same conference.  I was playing in SEC, one with lots of thought, hard work, and a budget.  The others were playing in the Sun Belt conference.  That's right, you've never even heard of the Sun Belt conference.

But then I realized the power.  The power of chosing very last.  The power to pick anything I wanted.  My final pick you ask?  Not the Pink Pig wearing a Crown, not the can of coke....The really nice, red, plush, throw and fuzzy socks...naturally.  Because I wanted to cuddle up in my absolute softness.

However, that is when I came to my second conclusion:

    2.  I am so cheap my Dad would be proud.

And so, as I left work that day, I took my really nice, red, plush, throw and fuzzy socks...naturally

and the receipt of purchase, back the ginormous store of Beyond and got my 30 bucks plus tax fully refunded back...SUCKAS!!!

Posted in: holidays, work on Monday, December 14, 2009 at 8 comments    

Posted in: Only a Mother Would Say on Saturday, December 12, 2009 at 4 comments    

Wanna know what I am doing right now??  Currently going through our Senior High School yearbook and typing up all the names of our class.  That is correct, I am planning our high school reunion.  I am in a major flashback mode and can't believe I have signed up for this one!!   Now I just need to convince my closest BFF's that they should come (yes, Tori, that means you!!)

Posted in: High School on Sunday, December 6, 2009 at 1 comments    

When you look up the definition of Poise, it states:

1.        a state of balance or equilibrium, as from equality or equal distribution of weight; equipoise.
2.        a dignified, self-confident manner or bearing; composure; self-possession
3.        steadiness; stability

But what does Poise mean to me?  PAIN. Absolute PAIN.

So leading up to the Big Birth Day, my sister-in-law reminded me that I should pick up some pads.  Very. Large. Pads. Now, I have to admit that it has been since I was 12 since I last purchased or used pads, so I didn't really know what I was looking for.  But I figured the bigger the better.

Here I was in Target, looking at all the different pads out there, when I very quickly decided on a box of Poise.  Quick...because I didn't want anyone to think I needed Depends, nor did I want anyone to ask me when I was having my twins.

Fast forward to our new family of three back at home:

Gator Guy and my Super Mom both heard me yell out from the bathroom, "Get. The. Vicodin."

You see, there is a difference between sanitary pads and Poise pads.  The difference is what caused me PAIN.  The difference, is that sanitary pads just soak.  Poise pads....PULL moisture.  Yes....Think about it.  Especially those mom's out there, think about it.  And especially those that had freaking stitches like I did...think about it...and cringe.  PAIN.

Posted in: Body after baby, Postpartum, pregnancy on Wednesday, December 2, 2009 at 3 comments    

That's right.  The moment is here.  The moment I am going to regret....The moment I am going to  post my belly 7 days after giving birth.

Let's just remind ourselves the before shot at 38 weeks...defying gravity, looking very octo-momish:

And now the 7 days after...

That's right, you can be officially grossed out with me.  And what does it feel like you ask.... Bread dough.  Mushy gross disgusting bread dough. And again, I ask you to please remind yourself of my rule #1.  Because you have to be honest, if you saw the bread belly in public, you would think...aww, how cute!! I wonder when she is due??And then I would proceed to kick you in the shin.  So again, please remember rule #1.  

But you wanna know what I was the most excited about:

Posted in: Belly, Body after baby, Motherhood, Postpartum, pregnancy on Monday, November 30, 2009 at 5 comments    

So I have a rule.  A rule that all men, women, and children should learn and follow religiously.

Rule #1:  DO NOT ask a women when she is due, how far along she is, if she is having a boy or girl, or anything else to do with pregnancy UNTIL YOU HAVE CONFIRMED THAT HER BUMP IS A BABY BUMP!!

And trust me, this is very easy to confirm.  If you give just a little smile...a little smirk, a glowing pregnant woman will smile back because she knows you have noticed that she is growing an exceptionally smart baby!   BUT if she looks down at the ground, turns her body, or ignores you in away....WALK AWAY.  Do not speak.  Do not even gesture.  This means that she is either not pregnant, or so ginormous and close to the end that she wants no conversation at all.

I was very close to violating my rule at Baby Gap, when I was about to ask the sales attendant when she was due.  And THANK GOD, she quickly made a comment about her 2 month old baby.  (Whew, that was a close one).  However, this just reconfirmed my importance of the rule.

Rule #2, DO NOT ASK WHEN SHE IS DELIVERY HER OTHER TWIN

So here we were...on cloud nine...after 48 hours at home with our newest addition, and leaving our house for  Mr. T's doctor appointment.  Gator Guy and I stood proudly in the lobby waiting for the elevator.  Soon, an Idiot-of-a-woman walks up and asks:

"Oh, how old is he?"
We both say, "4 days old.",  (Damn we are good, already responding in unison)

Idiot-of-a-woman looks at me kind of funny and then asks, "So then did you have one twin and still need to deliver the other?"

WOW...surely she is just being sarcastic (and rude), and yet she didn't stop there...
We both just laughed not knowing what to say or how to answer.

Idiot-of-a-woman then asks, "No really, so do I take that as a yes?"
OMG - Holy crap... she was f-ing serious. Who says that?!?
I said, "Nope just one baby", biting my tongue trying not to laugh and thanking my hormones that I'm not bursting into tears.
And yet she was still not done...

Idiot-of-a-woman looks at Mr. T again and then asks me, "So....then is he yours?"
"Yep, he's mine, and I still have the baby bump."
She says, "Oh well, I guess it does take time for that to go down. Well congratulations."

Yes congratulations....congratulations to the Idiot-of-a-woman who did not get a kick in the shins, punch in the face, tripped in the hallway, or a bucket of tears as the hormones could have taken over.  Congratulations to me for handling myself like an adult and just walking away...hysterical, and glad that Gator Guy was there to whiteness  such an act of idiotness.


And please stay tuned...because I will soon become brave (or stupid) and show you just what a belly 2 days after birth looks like.

Posted in: baby, Body after baby, Hormones, Motherhood, Postpartum on Wednesday, November 25, 2009 at 2 comments