Bachelor Pad - We Need to Talk

Dear Bachelor Pad, 
I know this may come as a shock to you, and I will first apologize for catching you off guard...but we need to talk.  We have been through a lot.  I have watched every season and even made it though Vienna's debut without throwing up in my mouth.  You have captured my attention over the summer when there are meaningless shows such as Wipe Out and America's Got Talent.  You were my fix when I was missing the traditional Bachelor and Bachelorette.  And you gave me Chris Harrison when I was just starting to begin withdraws from his presence.  But even after all of that...I have to be honest and tell you that we just cannot be together anymore.  I just can't do it.

And no, it is not just a break for us to see other people.  This is it for me.  I seriously cannot do it anymore.  Gosh....even just saying that now gives me a sense of relief.  I am becoming a person that I never thought I would.  Your commitment of 2 hours is just too long for me now.  Maybe it is that I am more busy these days and have not made time for you.  Maybe it is my love for Ryan Lotche and the Olympics that I can't seem to pull myself from NBC another channel.  But honestly, this season is a disappointment.  I wish I could have my 2 hours back in my day.  I know you are even more dramatic than ever, but its just not how it used to be.  
Don't even get me started with the twins.  Michael said it best comparing them to mosquitoes in your ear.  It is either that or their fighting is the sound of dying cats.  I would rather listen to Radiohead on repeat for the rest of my life than listen to those two girls again (and Gator Guy can vouch for how serious that is for me!).  

And then Chris was the final straw for me.  There's always the top Dawg each season and Chris is trying to be just that.  At least before I could just feel bad for Kasey that his kermit voice and outrageous tattoos made him "special".  But with Chris...I just can't get past it.  It is bad enough that I just had to finish watching him on Emily's season.  I think I would need at least a month before seeing him on Monday nights again...if ever.  It's the way he talks, the way he thinks so highly of himself, his immaturity (oh wait - that's everyone on the show, right?) and his constipated-or-about-to-fall-asleep-face expressions that just confirms I cannot be with you any longer.   

I will miss our good times.  But I really feel good about this decision.  

And so, Bachelor Pad...I am sorry, but I cannot give you this rose.  Please allow me to walk you out.



Friday Jam: Circles

Thank B.o.B. for this awesome jam that I just can't get out of my head.  Perfect to take to the pool today!!!   Happy Friday!!!

Watch Out George Straight...

George Straight has got some competition if I must say myself.  Here's Mr. T singing "I Cross My Heart".  It is the same song that I sing to him before bed. 

I even hung part of the lyrics on his wall before he was born, so I suppose it is natural that this song is his debut.  Enjoy. 

GAFT: The Check Out System

During our GAFT episodes, I have realized the following:

You MUST (and I repeat MUST) have a "Check Out System".  I am not sure when Gator Guy and I officially started our Check Out System, but it is the only thing that keeps us sane. 

The Check Out System is when one parent is struggling like hell getting Mr. T to calm down and in turn getting frustrated, angry, upset or any other emotion we don't want Mr. T to do.  The other parent gives a look, a tap on the shoulder, or even verbally says "time to check out".  At that moment, parent #1 walks away... usually making no eye contact.  My preferred method is verbally while Gator Guy gives the look.  Fitting.

This works for us because it makes us realize that we are not alone, we BOTH get frustrated and it is not good for any parties involved if the parent is too worked up.  We've all been raise your voice at the toddler to make that point that they should not yell or scream.  Makes sense, right?  Hell no.  That's damn confusing for the little ones.   So the Check Out System is a necessity. 
Now,  if the Check Out System is not available where either both parents are so fired up to handle the situation or you are alone, then is it time to implement the Parent Time Out.  I remember using this one when Mr. T was just a babe and wouldn't stop crying.  I felt like a terrible mother that I had to sit in the bathroom downstairs with the door closed just to have a moment to breathe.  But it is what kept me sane.  A fellow Yogi reminded me of this technique this week.  She would say to her little one, "Honey, it is time for Mama to have a time out."  That is correct.  Mama needs a time out!!  Mr. T may be confused and he may just continue to cry it out, but the Mama Timeout already has served us well. 
Plus it gives me the perfect opportunity to pour a glass of brew.  Don't Judge.

GAFT: Round 2

GAFT continues to overpower us as of late.  And I wish there was a magic potion or something to relieve it.  I suppose if there was, we would have a million kids and no use for Mama Happy Hour. 

This week has been hard.  Perhaps we are STILL recovering from our awesome trip to Disneyland (post to come), or perhaps it is just the GAFT (God Awful Fucking Three's).  Either way, it is difficult. 

How are parents suppose to cope??  What solutions actually work???

We have tried the following:
1.  Firm rules
2.  Timeout
3.  Distractions
4.  Taking away beloved toys
5.  Bribery
6.  Mickey Mouse Clubhouse
7.  Cry it out
8.  Cars2
9.  Music
10.  Back rubs
11.  Food
12.  Water break

I am sure some of the expert parents in the world laugh at my list and see that the main thing lacking is consistency.  Whatever.  Screw you expert parents, because this shit can be hard. 

What eventually calmed down the most recent episode of GAFT was some Magic Music.  I explained to Mr. T that when he was a baby, I would play for him two very special songs and it would calm him down.  I have no idea how he heard me with all that screaming, but he was intrigued and wanted to hear the tunes.  So I played a remake of Bridge Over Troubled Waters by Quincy Coleman and Sweet Sweet Baby by Michelle Featherstone.  Worked like a least this time.  And I will store the Magic Music in my GAFT back pocket. 

GAFT: The God Awful Effing Three's

My boss once told me, "Screw the terrible 2's.  That's nothing.  It is the God-Awful-Fucking-Three's that is the real problem."  I remember laughing at him and recorded the quote in "Shit My Boss Says".  Yet another use for google docs  ;)

The other day I was reminded of my boss's quote. 

This is Mr. T after hysterically crying and throwing tantrums just about ALL FREAKING DAY. 

And YES...that is a PUDDLE OF PEE that he is sitting in.  It totally reminded me of when he smeared shit all over his crib.  I don't know which is worse.  A part of me felt bad that I took the picture, but all ready he says, "that's the day I was BAD."  Yes Mr. T, we all need to remind ourselves to not throw a fit and pee ourselves. 
And so, I officially introduce to you:  GAFT.  The God-Awful-Fucking-Three's.  He's got a seriously case of GAFT and I am just praying that the 4's are easier! 

Drunk Makeup Tutorial

I'm not sure how I have not come across Jenna already, but I think she's pretty damn funny.  Showed this to Gator Guy and his BFF and they were not impressed. Totally a girl thing. 

This is the video that first went viral. 

Mike in 3D??

I saw this ecard and thought it was hilarious and also very fitting since we just got back from Disneyland where 3D and 4D movies are around every corner.  Perhaps they will pass out those glasses at the theater I am going to.  Just Perhaps.
PS....too funny.

Love for Lochte

Ladies...have you seen the newest Vogue cover???  I seriously do a double take every time at the grocery to check out those abs and smile on Ryan Lochte. 

The good news...he is all set for the Olympics and with a major (friendly) rivalry with Michael Phelps he will get plenty of news coverage.  And I shall watch every moment of it. 

Hello USA Swimmers!!! Why hello there.

Even better....this guy is a Gator!!

Jam of the Week: Set Me Free

I heard this one a week or so ago at yoga and just L-O-V-E it.  I think it is "jammy".  The kind of jam I can dance around to when no one is around and pretend that I am part of the video singing my heart out.  And yes...this really does happen.  In fact, I'm a little surprised that I haven't been asked to be a background dancer or perhaps a tamborine or cow bell girl.   I suppose it is my fault for not sending in my audition videos because I promise you, some of the best concerts in town are at Kat & Gator Guy's Casa... when no one is watching!! 

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